Love is like a drug. When a person we love dies we go through withdrawal as well, it is called grief. As with the drug addict, it takes the grieving person time for the brain chemistry to balance itself again.
When I studied grief I had an “ah ha” moment. I realized that losing our healthy neurotransmitters during grief has many side effects. Besides the pain, the tears, the anger and the sadness, our neurotransmitters control our sleep, our memory and our perception. I learned that those grieving may not see reality as it is actually happening. I felt that the arguments I had with my siblings were about things that did not happen in reality. I had an instinct that none of us kids had enough of the healthy neurotransmitters and it wasn’t a matter of me being “the greedy sister” but that everyone was in such deep grief, we couldn’t see what was actually happening. Would we take a drug addict at his or her word while witnessing them in withdrawal? No, we’d wait for it to pass knowing they are going through a tough time. I found out how many families come apart and divorces happen often during grief and realized that people don’t have compassion for the pain we are going through during the process.
I didn’t realize it at the time but I was transforming in this process. Interesting that it is only when we look back on a period of our life can we see it as a gift. Moments of pain have the ability to give us some of our biggest life lessons and awakenings. Instead of being a victim of my own grief I had the opportunity to share what I knew with others. I was discovering that the way to get peace for myself was to help others who were hurting as well.
I knew I had to share these life-saving words with as many people as I could. The thought “write a book” came into my mind but the voice in my head told me I was not smart enough. Late one night while scouring the web for advice, I read, “The world is waiting for your words.” Deep inside I knew people would benefit from what I know. As helpful and as lifesaving as the grief information was, I knew how much my life had transformed when I found the reality of life after death. I also knew my book would be titled, “We Don’t Die.”
I attended a weekend seminar about book writing, called “Author 101 University.” I didn’t have the courage to share with people there what I wanted to write about. I remember the fear running inside me. There were several hundred other attendees and when people asked me what I wanted to write about I simply said, “Grief.”
I spent the three days of the course taking good notes but at the end headed for the door knowing that I’m no author. Just before I exited, a man greeted me and asked me if I got everything I wanted from the seminar. I responded, “Yes”
He asked, “What do you want to write about?”
In my mind, I could actually see a fork in the road. If I told this man a lie I could see the road leading nowhere and being disappointed in myself. As scared as I felt in that moment, I told him that I wanted to write about “life after death.”
This man turned out to be the publisher of Morgan James Publishing, the company that organized the seminar. He invited me to sit with him and talk about the book I wanted to write and why. My voice was shaking, I had tears in my eyes but I told him the entire truth. As he listened he appeared to be amazed and asked, “Do you really think you can write a book like that?”
I said confidently, “Yes.”